Frustrations

I'm tired ...of so many things.

Too tired to expound on them right now.

Lupe clears the air - Vibe had it f'ed up!!!

...either his PR clean up skills are ridiculously on point OR ...he's telling the truth and Vibe just wanted to stir shit up a tiny bit more.

Lupe will be taking Vibe to court for defamation of character, claiming that the now infamous 'Vibe Exclusive' was actually an interview done approximately a month ago but used for the purposes of adding fuel to the fire.

Kay Slay is a bit much for me but if you can take it, here is Lupe setting things straight.

Note that although Q-Tip states they never spoke on his participation save for a conference call to plan the actual performance, Lupe insists that Q-Tip is his 'Muslim brother'.

Boo.

Happy National Coming Out Day!!!

Be Proud.

Lupe Fiasco has officially forgotten himself.

Dude, have a cookie and kick push your ass into a corner.

"After screwing up his rhymes during a tribute to A Tribe Called Quest on VH1's Hip Hop Honors awards show on Sunday, rap star Lupe Fiasco has quickly become a blogger's whipping boy in a drama now referred to as "Fiascogate," with new allegations from Q-Tip that Lupe was never asked by him to perform at the VH1 ceremony at all.

...Lupe wasted no time addressing the VH1 mishap on Okayplayer. Under the screen name FNF Up Up And Away, he causticly wrote in all caps concerning the performance, "When it was initially offered to me, I turned it down because I felt it was out of place for me to be honoring them because while I was fully aware of their impact in hip-hop, I wasn't really aware of their music like that . . . but guess who wanted me to be apart of it . . . hmmmm . . . how about . . . Q-Tip!!! . . ."

How about we try that one more time Lupe.

But according to Q-Tip, that wasn't the case. On the gossip blog of Miss Info, Q-Tip was reported as saying, "I'm not trying to make this any bigger than it is. But I just want to clear up one thing. . . We never hunted him down and begged him to be a part of the show or anything like that. His name was pitched to us by VH1, and we said, ok cool. The only time I spoke to Lupe about the Hip Hop Honors performance was on a conference call, which we did with the other artists too, like Busta and Common, to plan the performance."

...In the past, Roots drummer Questlove has criticized Lupe for never having heard Marauders. Most recently, Phonte of the group Little Brother gleefully added fuel to the fire. "You fuckin up, my nig. Straight up and down," Phonte posted on an Okayplayer message board. "What's even more amazing is the same cats on this site defending your arrogance and ignorance on this topic . . .you forgetting the lyrics to a classic song from a classic group on national television while paying tribute to them, the 2nd plane has officially hit the tower."

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!!!!! I'll take Hip Hop Sacrilege for $1000, Alex.

Lupe aired out his grievances exclusively to VIBE concerning the backlash to the revelation that he missed out on Marauders. "[Tribe] didn't sell 10 million records, so why would people think they had a blanket on the world like that? MC Hammer was way more popular to me than Tribe Called Quest."

Umm, "Come again Pikey".

It's all about hip hop vanity, Lupe explains. "Because there's kids in Harlem who right now would never ever listen to Midnight Marauders, I don't give a fuck what you do, they'll never listen to Q-Tip and they want to be rappers and they want to talk about positive things. So why would you shoot them down?"

His voice rises. "It's like, 'Oh, you ain't never listened to Midnight Marauders? You ain't expanding your horizons? Oh, you ain't real' cause they did that shit to me! 'Oh Lupe, that's fucked up man, I don't fuck with you now, I'm not buying your next album' and be dead serious!It made me feel like, 'You dirty bastards. Like how dare you.'"

Overall, the rapper appears to be more hurt than furious from the blog butchering. And he claims he'll still "never" listen to Midnight Marauders, though he's criticized for denying the fact that groups like Tribe opened doors for the lyrically-PG, happy-go-lucky form of rap he's known for. But no matter how you look at it, Lupe's refusal to throw on some headphones and pop in the album isn't about Midnight Marauders, or lack of interest at all: it's about defiance.

And his power comes from being unapologetic to critics. "Those hip hop elitists who think [Tribe] hold the crown and the copyright to hip hop," he says. "I listen to 8Ball & MJG and I think they're better than you [Tribe].""

Wow buddy.

Really Lupe? Really???
I like 8Ball & MJG ...but MC Hammer? Really???

Tell 'em why you mad son. Tell 'em why you mad.

Quotes taken from a Vibe.com Exclusive

40 Years Ago Today

...Ernesto 'Che' Guevara de la Serna was executed.
Felix Rodriguez, the CIA and Mario Teran **and by extension the Bolivian Army are responsible for his murder.

Che Guevara June 14th, 1928 - October 9th, 1967
"He vivido días magníficos."
- Letter to Fidel Castro 1965

"The great lesson of the guerrillas' invincibility is taking hold among the masses of the dispossessed. The galvanization of the national spirit; the preparation for more difficult tasks, for resistance to more violent repression. Hate as a factor in the struggle, intransigent hatred for the enemy that takes one beyond the natural limitations of a human being and converts one into an effective, violent, selective, cold killing machine. Our soldiers must be like that; a people without hate cannot triumph over a brutal enemy."

The VH1 Hip Hop Honors

*pause*

...I just have to put this out there before I even begin the blog.

Did anyone peep dude in the audience dancing like he was the only person there???

Every time the camera happened to cut him ...man, listen. Baby boy was putting in work!!! Overtime.

*play*

Aside from a slow start, Pepa's nose looking a hot mess, Lupe's unforgivable ATCQ flub **not to mention subsequent b.s. excuse, later dismissed by Q-Tip himself ** Keyshia being dead wrong for that jacked vocal, and a premature / off base hip hop honor **no shade but there are female MC's way more deserving than Missy Elliott** the tributes to Whodini, Snoop and A Tribe Called Quest made watching the 2 hour taping worthwhile. I sat back and 'wopped' up a headache, rattling off the words to practically every song, as I clapped myself into a nostalgic tizzy.
Tell me you didn't peep Nelly get low, lol. I can't wait for the videos to hit YouTube.

Ain't nothing like the good old days; back yard barbecue's with someones stereo turned out the window, dancing for your uncles spare change.

*pause*

Oh, yeah ...and the Cowboy's came back and stunned the shyt out of the Bills.

How 'bout dem Cowboy's!!!

The World Has Made Me The Man Of My Dreams - Meshell Ndegeocello

Refusing to be categorized, the melding of so many different genres with an ease and fluidity that today, is unmatched ...we have yet another banger from Meshell Ndegeocello.

I've had my copy since last week.
Undoubtedly, Sloganeer is my favorite. Simply consuming, it stays in heavy rotation. I fear I may wear a grove in the cd itself.

Coming in right behind it are Elliptical, Michelle Johnson, Evolution, Virgo, Shirk, Relief, Solomon, Lovely Lovely, ...shall I stop short of an out of order track listing?

Save for a set in Charlotte, where she seemed more like the introduction and not the headliner she is, Meshell has yet to disappoint me.
Please support her raw artistry.
**Note the version of Sloganeer now playing is not the album version. This comes from a live show in Zurich.

'I'm just a soul on the planet. Trying to do good, be good and feel good.'
...Meshell Suhaila Bashir-Shakur 'Michelle Johnson'

**UPDATE**
Praise YouTube ...I found a video of her performing Sloganeer.




Get a bang out of life.
...Suicide
Straight to paradise.
If you're the chosen...
Why don't you just
...Kill yourself now, kill yourself now.
Cause I hate all the beautiful people.
Just open your legs.

Supposedly, the song is to / about a suicide bomber. I need more time to digest it before I can draw any conclusions.

Also, I don't advocate for the taping or photographing of Meshell with out her permission as in her case, among other things, it is a health hazard ..but, please don't bother to point out the contradiction in reposting this video; I'm aware.

**Link to information re: Epilepsy

Tattoos and Drum Sticks

I came across this again today and I don't know why I didn't post this video earlier.
Tavis Barker is amazing ...actually makes the song bearable.

Factotum

I read my horoscope today ...the first time in several weeks. I was forced to internalize the following:

"You can be proud of yourself today, since you probably have good reason to be pleased with your accomplishments. As others notice and acknowledge your work, you could be feeling very satisfied. Giving yourself praise is as important as anyone else offering positive feedback, if not more so. If we ourselves don’t believe what is being said to us, it will not have the impact that it is meant to have, which ought to be taken as a gift that is being offered. Many times our inner critics are the loudest voices that echo in our heads from our earliest days, and they don’t need to be true for us to listen to them. But when we acknowledge our own hard work and our satisfaction with a job well done, those voices begin to quiet with each triumph until they fade away completely. Today by allowing yourself to take pride in your work, you honor the truth of your abilities and strengths."


~Many times our inner critics are the loudest voices that echo in our heads from our earliest days, and they don’t need to be true for us to listen to them.

To say that I'm hard on myself would be an understatement. I am without a doubt my own worst enemy.


Since my abrupt departure from academia I've done nil with regard to claiming my right to aspire to a higher degree of ...anything, not that I have much of an option as my transcripts are being held hostage in lieu of a $12,000 debt owed directly to the State University of New York at Buffalo. *Insert 'F*** UB' here* It seems I've almost resigned myself to bend under the weight of my mounting personal disappointments. I managed to complete 3 1/2 years of course work in a matter of 4 1/2, all while pretty much damning my credit to hell ...so much so that the 6 months and $24,000 I am shy have become my very own dream deferred and am now one of IBM's factotums.
The joy that is life after college, lol.

I often feel detached from all that is. Resorting to contacting old professors I developed friendships with for the purposes of having them forward their current syllabi and reading lists so that I'll have something to feed my brain with. Pathetic, I know ...but wait it gets worse.
...I've never even opened the attachments they've sent.

What's interesting is while attending college, the thought of others proffering their degrees as a badge of honor replulsed me. I refused to delude myself into believeing a piece of paper validated my intellectual existance ...and I still don't.
...but I do.

My lack of a degree, in any form, knocks the wind out of me, daily. For many, having just a Bachelors is last season to say the least ...and as it stands, I'm a semester shy of one. I've managed to fall behind in the race of the 'Talented Tenth' with no idea of how I am to follow what is fast becoming a pipe dream Ph. D.

Now before you take it there, hell no I don't look down my nose at anyone who doesn't have a piece of paper granting them the special previledge of working for more than $40,000 a year, hopefully with decent benefits that extend to 'domestic partnerships' ...and I wouldn't even if I had that over priced b.s. myself. I'm simply saying that it would serve to make me feel like I hadn't blown my golden years, lol; I'm not ready to turn 25 without that damn piece of paper.

Ok, ok ...back to the horoscope.
I really need to get it together in terms of appreciating what it is I have going for myself now, as well as what I know am capable of and will do ...in time.
I'm impatient ...but things could be worse.
I could be working for a company that didn't value my contribution to the team so much so that I wouldn't be able to enjoy many of the perks I do now ...like pretty much making my own hours if I actually choose to go into the office, instead of working from home. I'm good at what I do for IBM ...damn good.
I could not have gone to college at all and been left void of the many life altering experiences that forced me to stand up on my own.
I could not have been blessed with the wonderful family my partner and I have created as well as the loving, open and accepting family I have back at 'home'. They love me ...and that keeps me sane, grounded and moving ...everyday.
...I could be doing a whole lot worse.

While I don't consider my blog work, college work, course work. I appreciate the fact that it has the potential to become an outward expression of the waning writing abilities I'm trying to reclaim and desire to dive back in to what makes me happy.

I'll be back.
~Thank you again Adam ;)

Realizations

I don't post often ...if ever.

I'm compelled to change that.

Unfinished

i yearn for a cup of coffee over convo at a café in france with Baldwin and a build with Ntozake but only after Morrison tells me a story and Giovanni whispers in my ear. collectivism in the face of fragmentation. a living wage healthcare and reparations in the form of a free education. a free mind and Meshell to free my heart after hooks rocks my soul because Lorde told me my silence wouldn’t protect me. a free palestine. stem cell research and a cure for aids. quiet time under moon by the ocean to give thanks to Yemaya for letting me see her through Basquiat’s eyes.

...hello all

While indulging in my daily dose of net goodies, usually about Bey-Z and Rhianna's latest page 6 exposé, I came across a blog that for one reason or another, made me think but ...let's just say, ruffled my feathers. Compelled to respond to the post about homosexuality and the young, experimenting, immaturity, phases, and girls who want to be men ...I decided to toot my own horn a little harder past responding anonymously and create a blog of my own.

Granted, to each her own opinion, and indeed I have my own and could give a shyt less what others think about it ...I think it's that very attitude that fosters a lot of misconceptions in general, but in this case, misconceptions about homosexuality in the black community.

I read a post about young girls experimenting with other girls ...in public among other things, and how homosexuality has become a trend, which indeed it has; however, what got me was the inherent denial of sexuality and sexual expression based on age. I won't link or post to the blog for obvious reasons but, here was my response:

In response to the actual post as well as the previous comments...While I agree with/understand your point with relation to children, especially girls, experimenting with the same sex, and engaging in PDA's etc., I think its important to stress the fact that while it is inappropriate (for it to occur at a young age and in public), to question the intention or deny the sexual expression is to deny the individual and in my opinion wrong. I say that to say that yes, homosexuality is already a trend but to generalize and make a blanket statement that could be interpreted as "you're young so you don't know what you want", is wrong; some do it for the wrong reason but again, that's just some.
As a Black Lesbian in my early 20's, I would never have dreamed of engaging in those acts on a subway, or anywhere else for that matter, at that age and at present, but sadly enough children are only moving along with the fast pace of life and doing what they are force fed by the media daily, and what permissive or non existent parents allow. I say that in no way shape or form to make an excuse for, place blame elsewhere or justify that behavior.
At that age, as a matter of fact much earlier, I was more than cognizant of my attraction to women, and I sympathize with younger SGL's and LGBTQ's who have to endure being scrutinized or be told they don't know what they feel because of their age. I feel as though regardless of your age you know what you like, whether it's a phase or not; didn't you? Didn't you, as a teen, know whether or not you liked X, Y or Z from up the corner and around the block, irrespective of gender? It really has nothing at all to do with the supposed lack of "emotionally available men".
As far as girls looking like men, gender and sexual expression are extremely personal and by that I mean vary. To mock someone because of their gender expression, i.e. dress, walk, talk, how they like to be addressed, etc., is beyond ignorant. What's to say that these young girls aren't Lesbian identified Butch or are on the road to self discovery and will ultimately end up as an FTM? What's to say that it isn't a phase and they won't end up someone new the next day, month or year? Whatever it is, to deny sexuality based on age is to deny the individual and people should be more concerned with teaching young girls, and boys, to protect themselves, sexually, emotionally and physically, in lieu of trying to force them to be something deemed acceptable by societal standards. Girls, and boys, are owning themselves earlier and earlier and should be allowed to express themselves, sexual acts aside, in a way most comfortable to them and them alone.
Again, I in no way shape or form condone PDA's, random sexual acts, sex at a young age, etc., but in reality, what can we do to prevent kids from doing what they want to do? Don't you remember how determined you were as a teen? Beat them and you could potentially suffer legal consequence, buy clothes for them and they will beg, borrow, or steal someone else's. At this point, education is our best bet; educate the young in hopes that they will carry the knowledge with them and make an informed decision about what it is they want to do with their lives. We can guide them through life but we can't live for them.

Needless to say, that I was a little annoyed with the comments made about "girls that look like boys".

After all was said and done with that, I went on to read a few of the comments posted before mine, in detail, and noticed that one in particular was an attempt at drawing a comparison between homosexuality and molestation ...after that I was pretty much through, response as follows:

Maybe it's just the way I'm reading it, and please, please, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm getting the impression that you're making a comparison/correlation between homosexuality and molestation.
As far as turning someone out, that really isn't possible; either its rape or molestation at the time and whether or not you engage in sexual acts or enter into a relationship with someone of the same sex at a later date is a choice made only by the individual. To "lay blame" for sex or relationships that occur at present on disgusting acts forcibly committed in the past is wrong and that denies the persons sexual/gender expression. Granted there are exceptions to "the rule", but as a Black Lesbian, if someone were to tell me that I was gay because I was molested, they might as well tell me I'm Black because I was in the sun too long.
...Insert here - the debate on being born gay/gay as a learned behavior.
In short, no one is gay because they were abused. You're either gay because you are, your scarred emotionally, which as someone that was abused you have every right to be, and you turn to the same sex or you buy into the "I'm gay because I was abused" and you're looking for a way to excuse the fact that you are gay but have not yet come to terms with your tendencies or sexual preference and are looking for a way to respond to the negativity from family members or friend ...which is B.S. in itself.
Again, JMO.

Why is it that someone always has to come up with a way to account for/excuse etc., homosexuality ...like I need a damn pass to be gay!