Sunday, May 25, 2008

Just one of those days.

For those that take time out to visit my space, I sincerely apologize for the infrequent posting.
Life has thrown yet another curve ball my way and as of next week, I will no longer be a North Carolina resident / IBM employee; I've decided to hand in my resignation and of course with my family in tow, relocate ...back home to NYC!!!!

After 3 years and a half hearted attempt to resume my undergraduate studies, it is time for much needed change. The familiarity of home and my large extended family are exactly what the doctor ordered. The opportunities for my family, as a whole, are immense and we are looking forward to all that lies ahead.


On to the topic at hand...

I am not a patient person. More importantly, I do not purport myself to be one.
I have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for bullshit ...in any form. Quick tongued and often harsh, I've put major effort into relaxing, evaluating each and every situation from as many perspectives as possible so as to avoid making snappish decisions and hurting those that matter most. As of late, the trigger on my bullshit meter has become that much more sensitive and old habits have reared their respective heads.
Often times I'm left wondering if I overreact. More often than that, I'm left feeling like others are desensitized and have resigned themselves to letting things slide rather than dealing so as to avoid unpleasant situations.
I thrive on the unpleasant as conflict is my comfort zone. I can count on one hand the number times I've failed to come out on top, though as I write this, I'm unsure as to whether or not that is an attribute entirely positive. What does it say about my character?

In addition to the aforementioned, I'm a control freak ...tenacious ...aggressive - and I have yet to master the art of applying these personality traits in a manner conducive to ...anything.
Don't get me wrong, I can, AND DO, keep them in check however, have been known to throw all that decorum shit out the window and go in hard ...quite frequently lately.

Ugh. I don't know where I'm going with all of this.
I'm just in a bad mood and out of chardonnay - it's that time of the month and lemonade isn't cutting it.

I'll be back - I hope.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Friday, February 08, 2008

A simple goal.

I'm going to read a book this weekend. Maybe two.


That's it.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Random tidbits until I post again ...which will be tomorrow ...hopefully, lol.

I am exhausted.
Between my promotion of sorts and my home life, there is never enough time in the day.

I have yet to complete this week's laundry and what has been washed / dried has been sitting, rumpled no less, in various baskets throughout the house. I have resorted to completing rote HR tasks after hours and have yet to unpack / settle in to my second office space to my liking. My nails, eyebrows, eye lashes and highlights have yet to be retouched and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to fit them in this weekend. I can't tell you the last time Garvey has been to the park and I havent picked up his K-9 Advantix and HeartGuard for the month yet. Oh and the family and I haven't spent any QT together in the last few weeks. Maybe we'll hit up the movies this weekend.
UGH.

Tonight we had Chinese and after everyone was fed and the dog walked, I napped until 9:30.
Save for the minor neck ache I was left with ...it was splendid and I don't forsee having any problems going right back to sleep around bed time.


Oh, guess who got their BlackBerry ....and from the job no less.
I did ...and its fab.

Yes, the BlackBerry 8830 CDMA / GSM World Edition.
...and I don't even have a passport so that's another 'To Do' to add to the list.

I'm going to get it together y'all. Soon.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Procrastination and a BlackBerry

Ok, so I didn’t revisit the poem like I said I was going to. Shoot me.
I say I’m going to do a lot of things that never actually pan out; I haven’t watched the yoga workouts I saved to the DVR, I haven’t stopped eating fish / seafood …I haven’t even blogged since last Thursday.

I’ll tell you what I have done though …I’ve become addicted to eBay.



Since my most recent promotion at work I’ve been looking to upgrade to a BlackBerry so as to be able to access the network and my email, without have to tote around my laptop. Sprint sucks dirty ass and has decided that long standing customers aren’t worth lowering prices on upgraded devices; we have to pay full damned price (449.99)…while new customers can get a BlackBerry for 99.99.
I thought I could get the company to comp one but by the time they get around to, it I’ll be ready to retire. Long story short…eBay to the rescue.

Pray that I win the bid on this damned PDA, y’all.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

No wonder 'BET' is pissed off: Aaron McGruder's take on the 'destruction of Black people.'

...wouldn't be as funny if it wasn't on point.
I don't know how I feel about that.

See, this is why Barack doesn't do it for me ...I can't sell my soul for the promise of better days to come.

I can not settle it within myself to wholeheartedly stand behind anyone who can only advocate for 'civil unions'.

Civil union - a legally recognized institution that serves to provide same sex couples with rights, benefits, and responsibilities SIMILAR to that of heterosexual marriage.
That is not ...and never will be progress and / or 'change we can believe in'. I'll believe change when I see it ...and right now, I don't see a damned thing. It's the same old line, different salesman (or woman) every time. Until we as a people can understand that simply by virtue of the fact that we all live, breathe and bleed the same way, and WE ARE ENTITLED to ALL rights, protections and opportunities afforded to everyone else, i.e. heterosexuals (yeah, its pretty much us vs. them) ...we will continue to fall short of hitting the equality mark for real.

As it is a civil rights issue, I will in some instances compare it to the Civil Rights Movement and say that it is the equivalent of saying ....'Well you don't have to sit in the back of the bus anymore ...you can sit next to me, in the middle.'
Don't blow smoke up my ass because that shit isn't good enough.



I am not a card carrying rider of the Gore train but I will say this, above all others ...he'd have my vote.



We need someone to have balls big enough to say ...'they deserve to be treated fairly. With the same respect that I would want for myself.' Period.

Fuck the white and Black Christian vote. Fuck the people that think their shit don't stink and that having affairs, molesting children, abusing federal money, and taking trips in and out of rehab for 5 minutes at a time cures you, etc. ...is better than being a dyke / faggot.
...but that won't win you an election.

Again, Obama knew what he had to do.

And what other options do 'we' have? Who do we stand a better chance with ...someone who refuses to recognize our humanity in the same capacity as their own ...or someone who is willing to throw 3/4 of the bone our way?

All I'm saying is we shouldn't have to settle for less.
Think about where we would be with regard to the Civil Rights Movement if we said 'Ok, we'll take the middle of the bus. Ok, y'all can go to school Monday through Friday ...we'll take Saturday and Sunday. No, I don't need affirmative action ...I'll dig myself out the of never ending hole of disparity based on hundreds and hundreds of years of racial inequality that was forced upon us. Fuck it ...y'all got it and we'll take whatever we can get.'

Granted it would be one small, small step in the right direction but damn, ...that shit makes me ill.
Bitch assed catch 22.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Left by my wayside.

i yearn for a cup of coffee over convo at a cafĂ© in france with Baldwin and a build with Ntozake but only after Morrison tells me a story and Giovanni whispers in my ear. collectivism in the face of fragmentation. a living wage healthcare and reparations in the form of a free education. a free mind and Meshell to free my heart after hooks rocks my soul because Lorde told me my silence wouldn’t protect me. a free palestine. stem cell research and a cure for aids. quiet time under moon by the ocean to give thanks to Yemaya for letting me see her through Basquiat’s eyes.


...it's been well over a year since I even looked at this.
Damn.

I'll be back on it tomorrow.

A little less of me in '08: 2.0 The better version.

17 days ago I declared there would be a little less of me in '08 and that I'd be active in my mission to 'lose weight and get my body into a shape I feel most comfortable with before my 25th birthday'. To date, I've worked out once and am not happy about it. **Note that the 'once' I'm referring to was today and damn it felt good to do some yoga.

I love yoga. No, really I do. People underestimate the power of yoga but when done properly, that shit will have you burning, aching and more sweaty than running ...but in a good way.
Russell Simmons tapped into something wonderful. Psh, I wish I had my very own Porchla Coleman and could get a few beach side lessons of my own. ;) I guess I'll have to settle for the 7 episodes of my favorite yoga t.v. show I have on DVR. Trust, I'll put them to good use.

Oh, and I really need to stop claiming veganism.
I do not eat ...and probably will not ever go back to eating... dairy products, eggs, poultry and red meat, but damn it if I haven't been eating seafood like ...daily!!! Blackened salmon, fried tilapia, shrimp, scallops and flounder are the devil and have totally thrown me off track ...and I never even liked seafood! To this day the smell of tuna makes my stomach churn, ugh.

Let's be clear, while I am, and always will be, an advocate for the ethical treatment of animals, IN LIFE AND IN DEATH, I did not go vegan for them. I just happened to get my hands on a copy of
Skinny Bitch: A no-nonsense, tough love guide to savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous!
...and baby let me tell you, the juicy tidbits they let you in on are enough to have you cleaning house that night; straight second guessing everything you put in your mouth. I loved it!!! ...it's a must read.

So why did I go vegan? I went vegan because 95% of what the local supermarket has for sale is trash full of hormones, covered in pesticides and I wanted to improve my quality of life, starting with what I put in it. Just eliminating dairy from my diet has made my skin clearer, I no longer suffer with acid reflux and overall just FEEL BETTER. Seriously, try not eating ANY dairy for a week and I'm telling you, you'll noticed a marked difference. Besides, soy alternatives are to die for ...just visit your friendly, neighborhood Trader Joe's; good quality vegan and organic products at affordable prices.

Anyways, I don't want to sound like an infomercial and I sure as hell am not getting paid to advertise. Long story short, going vegan was a decision I will never regret and plan to go back to as soon as I can work this fish thing out of my spirit.

Back to 'less of me'.

From today on, I won't be claiming less of me ...just a better me. I'm sexy ...curvy to be damned and full/firm in all the right places. Even the kids think so and I'd hate to let that go. While losing weight, say 20 lbs., would be nice, I'm way more concerned with getting healthy, tight and toned just in time for my summer birthday bash.

...and who did I think I was kidding??? Give up leather boots, shoes, jackets and purses? Who, Sapphic???

What??? Absurd.

Hey QKoC ...I see you!!!
bless

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

One to add to your respective blogroll's: Gorgeous Black Women

I came across this today ...and loved it, to say the least.
...so many beautiful BLACK women all in one place ...I can't take it.





I know I plan to check in daily.
Please, please, please do the same.

I've reposted their initial post below.

Why I started this blog
1. Positive portrayals of gorgeous black women in the media are limited. It's Jezebel or Mammy. These two stereotypes are far from the norm.
2. Black women are indeed gorgeous, whether you're 18 or 80 with espresso bean or honey colored skin, skinny mini or curvaceous body, no hair, short hair, long hair, fros, twists, locs or straightened. This blog will feature everyone.
3. Who doesn't love gorgeous women?
4. There needs to be a shift in how black girls and women perceive themselves and their looks. Bonus points if everyone else gets with the program.

Monday, January 21, 2008

We hold these truths to be self evident: Other declarations...

Today marks the 22nd observance of the federal holiday designed to commemorate Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. Signed into law by Ronald Regan in 1983, it was observed for the first time on January 20th, 1986. It wasn't until 2000 that Martin Luther King Day was officially observed in all 50 states.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
January 15th, 1929 - April 4th, 1968

"Don't let anybody make you think God chose America as his divine messianic force to be a sort of policeman of the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with justice and it seems I can hear God saying to America, 'You are too arrogant, and if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power, and I will place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name.'" - MLK


Another quotable: "Many of the ugly pages of American history have been obscured and forgotten. A society is always eager to cover misdeeds with a cloak of forgetfulness, but no society can fully repress an ugly past when the ravages persist into the present. America owes a debt of justice which it has only begun to pay. If it loses the will to finish or slackens in its determination, history will recall its crimes and the country that would be great will lack the most element of greatness — justice." - MLK

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Lupe Revisited

An 80’s baby and avid music listener …I love hip hop.
Wholeheartedly.

I had quite a bit to say with regard to what has been dubbed ‘Fiascogate’.

Totally disgusted, I’ve likened his forgetting the lyrics to a classic banger like Electric Relaxation to hip hop sacrilege and while I am not …and will never, EVER forgive his appearance on VH1’s Hip Hop Honors…
Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool is that shit!!!

Little Weapon is without a doubt my favorite track on the album. I hadn't heard anything beyond Bishop G's intro and was compelled to restart the track like 6 times before I actually got all the way though. Once I did, I was hooked. Child soldiers, high school shooters, kids with guns and video game violence ...absolutely brilliant.

Now little Terry got a gun he got from the store.
He bought it with the money he got from his chores.
He robbed a candy shop; told her 'Lay down on the floor, put the cookies in the bag, take the pennies out the drawer.'

Lil' Khalil got a gun he got from the rebels to kill the infidels and the American devils.
A bomb on his waist. A mask on his face.
Prays five times a day and listens to heavy metal.

Little Alex got a gun he took from his dad that he snuck in the school is his black book bag.
His black nail polish, black boots, and black hat.
He gon' blow away the bully that just pushed his ass.
Intruder Alert is a masterpiece. Rape, drug abuse and immigration ...Mathew Santos' mellow vocals just reinforce your head nod. He appears several times on the album and never disappoints.

Hip-Hop Saved My Life is another standout. If you're not up on Nikki Jean ...please make yourself familiar immediately. Aside from being absolutely beautiful ...she's got real talent. Check out her YouTube channel here. Also, the free Noveau Riche album (her band) is definitely worth a download and burn.

Fighters, Streets On Fire, The Die, Put You On Game, The Coolest, Dumb It Down and of course Superstar, his current single, are all faves. Together they make for an overall bomb ass album. It will be in heavy rotation at least through summertime ...right along with Graduation, The World Has Made Me The Man of My Dreams, American Gangster and Just Like You.

Watch this Nikki Jean video that was featured on YouTube ...it's actually how I came across her. You can't help but feel her happiness.


bless

The Politics of Self Identification

I do not find solace in being ‘safe’.
It’s actually an experience quite the opposite for me; unnerving to say the least.
Repressive. Confining. Fictitious.


I don’t enjoy passing by virtue of my inherently feminine nature.
I can not wear my sexuality on my sleeve in the same manner that some of my more masculine female, feminine male, androgynous and everything in between ** thereby ‘presumably obvious’ ** counterparts do. For that I am, I don’t know …sorry.
Sorry in that I often wish I could wear my love for queer / gay / lesbian / SGL women, F2Ms, transgenders and transvariants as if it were my smile.

Jealous too.
Jealous in that I often feel relegated to putting forth extra effort to proclaim my existence. Whether it be verbal, written, on a t-shirt or otherwise I hate having to inform the masses.



Sexuality, sexual preference and gender identity shouldn’t be presumed.
…don’t I sound delusional, lol?



I do enjoy defying perceptions though.
The furrowed brows, gasps, embarrassment and looks of disdain.
I enjoy being the ‘other’. A disruption of the heteronormative flow.
It makes my blood rush.

I hate the questions though. I loathe them.
‘But why?’
…I’m sorry, what is it that you don’t understand?

More often than not I get that from heterosexual men; baffled by the thought that I’m not interested in all they have to offer me.



I am a femme.
I adore hair / nail salons, false lashes, 4” heels, purse shopping and makeup.

black nationalist. black feminist. non conformist. queer.

I don’t care to identify though a label, even one that is self imposed, but I am often left feeling like I have no other choice.



I went to the supermarket tonight and among other things, the male cashier called me ‘Ma’ more times than I could count. His voice was markedly different with me than with the customer before …dropped an octave or so lower. His eye lids seemed heavier ...bedroom I'm guessing.
His juvenile attempts at flirting.

I didn’t have the energy to set him straight but I didn’t entertain him either…no smile, eye contact. Nothing.
I’m sure he had a few choice words for me when he realized I was blatantly ignoring him.

I paid and left.


…but I passed.
I was angry with myself afterward.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

YouTube ...my new found obsession.

YouTube has become my new 'get me through the work day' thing and I love it ...so much so I've even created a page thingy and have favorites, etc. I rate videos, read comments and have even subscribed to a few channels I think might pique my interest.
That being said, I have not, and probably will not, ever create, star in, or post my own video ...and I'm not knocking anyone that has / does ...yet.

See, I know my limitations.

Though I have been known to throw my head back and attempt to blow with the rest of them ...I can't ...and I know this. I do it for the fun of it.

Surprisingly enough there are quite a few people out there who seem to be oblivious to their own short comings ...creating channels with multiple videos, posed, primped and ready to sing like a recording contract is sure to come as a result of their over the top attempts at superstardom via random YouTube fuckery.

They also help me 'get through the work day' ...with a hearty laugh to boot.

A little less of me in '08 ...just a little.

It's been a while since I last visited this blog. I guess its only fitting that my first blog of the New Year expound on changes I'd like to make.


I have a serious snacking problem.
This year I will be, and remain, committed to losing weight and getting my body into a shape I feel most comfortable with, BEFORE my 25th birthday.
Currently, I weigh about 180 lbs and wear a size 12 comfortably; I have for the last 2 or 3 years with no change in either direction. I guess that is a good thing, lol.

Ideally, I would like to weigh no less than 160 to 165 lbs and be no smaller than a size 8. I adore every last one of my curves and would hate to lose them. That skinny thing IS NOT for me, and if I must say so myself, my weight is generously distributed in all the right places. That being said, I guess my main concern would be toning up, particularly my stomach and legs.

I had a Gold's Gym membership ...well, still do through March. I pay a fairly large amount monthly but can not tell you when I visited the gym last. September ...maybe.

Embarrassing.
The 1,200 spent on that membership could have been applied toward a good elliptical machine. Something I've been wanting for a while now. **Note that if you'd like to contribute to my funds, I do take tips.

Once my contract is up with Gold's, I'm buying an elliptical. Period.
In the meantime, I'll revisit my Yoga Booty Ballet DVDs, my Hydroxycut, adhere to a STRICT vegan diet, drink nothing but water whenever possible and look into local yoga studios with late classes and flexible schedules.

Let the countdown begin.